Everyday Tips to Boost Your Confidence
There are three important things about confidence that I want you to remember:
Confidence is learned. Despite meeting people in your life that ooze confidence and seem like they wake up knowing that they are the masters of their own life, chances are they also have moments when they question it.
Confidence takes practice. We often seek out experiences in our life that confirm what we already think of ourselves, a phenomenon called confirmation bias. Some examples of this could be not going for a job because we remember that one time we felt embarrassed in a job interview. Or even sabotaging ourselves in relationships because we just “know” it won’t work out, because you’re focusing on on the negative aspects of past relationships.
Success does not necessarily make you confident. Many people feel that the key to confidence is to reach a certain goal, when in reality, If you are confident of yourself, your abilities, your body, your intelligence, etc, you are much more likely to bring about success. Success often starts with confidence.
I think it is also worth it to note that it is often difficult to isolate confidence and apply it to one area in your life- it will be difficult to find confidence in your body, your career, or your relationship, for example, if you do not have confidence in yourself as a whole.
Five Ways to Find More Confidence (that actually worked for me).
Find good posture.
This might sound crazy, but hear me out. Physically changing your posture can impact your perception of yourself, as a 2008 study revealed. When asked to write down positive qualities about themselves, people reported feeling more confident in these self reported positive qualities sitting with back straight and chest forward, as compared to sitting in a “doubtful” posture, with their back curved and shoulders forward. Sitting up straight or standing tall can change your perception of yourself (Briñol, P., Petty, R. E., & Wagner, B. 2008).
Briñol, P., Petty, R. E., & Wagner, B. (2008). Body posture effects on self-evaluation: A self-validation approach. European Journal of Social Psychology, 39(6), 1053-1064. doi:10.1002/ejsp.6072.
Fake it.
If I knew as a teenager that I could change my outlook on myself just by acting, it would have been a GAME CHANGER. Thinking positive is a great start- but when you ACT positive, you are making physical changes to the way your treat yourself and others. One of my favorite examples of this phenomenon in my own life is from my most recent job interview. I walked in feeling anxious and unprepared, but I told myself that I was the expert in my own knowledge and skills, and acted on it. Upon receiving the job, I was told that my self assurredness and confidence was contagious, and that I would be a great inspiration for the team! Remember- no one has to know that you’re not feeling confident, fake it until you BECOME it.
Beware of self sabotage.
It is so easy to fall victim to the cyclical nature of self sabotage. Picture it: Your working on your confidence, and you’re eyeing a super cute bathing suit in your favorite color. As you’re getting ready to put it in your cart, self doubt creeps in and you think, “I wouldn’t look good in it, so why should I even try to get it?” Or maybe you have a big test that you just know you’re going to fail, so you don’t bother to study. BREAK THE CYCLE. The only way to truly fail is to not try in the first place.
Discover who you are.
It took until age 26 for me to really discover what my dreams are, because I was always too afraid of self-imposed limitations. Set aside time for yourself to learn what you really want. You can try this exercise: Write down a goal- it can be big or small- that you want to achieve, the good qualities that you have that will allow you to work towards the goal, and some barriers that are preventing you from achieving it.
If you’re anything like me, even starting this task is incredibly daunting, because you’re not even sure what your goals are. Give yourself permission to dream and discover who you are.
Fix one small thing.
Breaking up large, overwhelming tasks is not only helpful in making them manageable, but it can also provide validation that you have all of the necessary tools to complete said task. If you break up one project into 10 parts and successfully complete all 10, your brain registers that as 10 accomplishments, not just one. Your brain doesn’t care that the tasks were small and mundane, just that they are done. Look at you being a boss and accomplishing 22 things on your to do list ;).
