Feeling Good in a Bikini

TW: ED and weight

Note: Body confidence does NOT mean you have to wear a bikini. Your journey to body love or body neutrality doesn’t have to culminate into showing skin. Body confidence is for YOU, not for anyone else. If wearing a bikini is not a step toward being true to you, don’t do it.

Ever since I posted my first picture in a bikini, I have been asked, “How did you find the confidence?”

I would never want to lie to you guys- body confidence is something that I will likely always be working towards. I don’t know who or what is to blame- It could be my internalized expectations from society, my childhood in ballet, or my general sense of displeasure with things that I don’t see as “perfect” - but I want to share some two key methods that I have found useful in my adventure into body love and confidently wearing a bikini.

Curate Your Social Media:

When I was a young teen, I actively sought out “inspiration” images to help in motivating me to lose weight. I found and followed models and influencers with small breasts, narrow hips, and visible abs in order to keep myself displeased with my body. I truly thought that if I was grossed out with the way I looked, I would be more inclined to make changes.

Fast forward through my years of binging and purging, over exercising, and body dysmorphia and take a look at my social media feeds now, and you will see people of all ages, abilities, colors, sizes, gender identities, and careers; REAL people who are not paid to look a certain way. We are so exposed to ads of diet culture and a beauty industry that is designed to make us feel unhappy with ourselves- the least we can do is create safe and welcoming environment in the social media exposure that we can control.

Start Small and Concrete:

I found that I often got overwhelmed with self doubt when I was building my confidence. When I had something small to focus on, it made confidence feel tangible. I made small goals with myself- showing more leg, showing more back, etc. to help lead up to the big moment.

I started by buying a one piece that was more revealing than I would typically wear. The legs were high cut, the neckline was low, and most of my upper back was exposed. I got comfortable wearing this, while still covering my least confident area (my tummy).

From here, I moved on to a bikini with A LOT of tummy coverage. I got to live my two piece fantasy, but I didn’t have to dive into something that I felt uncomfortable with. I was able to wear this suit to the beach and feel cute AND comfy.

Now I have moved on to full belly button exposure. This has taken two summers, but I have finally embraced my body. I realized that I was trying to prevent people from seeing the round curve of my tum. Here’s the thing: you can see it in a one piece too. Wearing a one piece didn’t shrink my body. Once I took ownership of what my body looks like, it made it SO much easier to wear the things that I thought I could never wear.